Week 2

Pardon this lackluster post- I'm a bit jet lagged from visiting my parents for the Thanksgiving weekend. They live in Florida, and I in New York, but they live in a retirement community which is like a time-zone buried within the Bermuda triangle.

Last week's game plan was easy to stick to and I only spent like $12.00 on food. With that said, last week's game plan was so vehemently unhealthy that I pray to God I never attempt it again. While it did meet the Tom approved frugal-recommended allowance- it lacked milk, vegetables, contained far too many carbs (albeit whole grain) and contained enough salt to ensure that crops never grow upon my human bio-field again. Pardon that last metaphor seasoned with a fictional word; again the jet lag.

Well, I just returned home from the supermarket and spent a mere $25.00 on groceries for the week. Though I may need to return for more spinach. With that said, this week's game plan is a bit more balanced, reduced in sodium, and cut back in carbs as well.

Breakfast:
Oatmeal, Protein Shake

Snack 1
Walnuts

Lunch
El Monterey Burrito

Snack 2
Banana

Dinner
3 Eggs, 1 piece of cheese, 2 soy-sausage links

Snack 2
Protein Shake

Checking out the Hood Spots

Here's something I'll never do again:

Have you ever seen a bag of rice the size of a large bag of charcoal? I have. Why? Because I've been to Bravo foods.

A co-worker and buddy of mine started reading my blog. This is what followed.

*****
Dan: Hey man, if you really want to save money- you gotta start checking out the hood spots!

Tom: What?

Dan: I bet you're shopping at Stop & Shop or some other supermarket chain.

Tom: Yeah? So?

Dan: When I was growing up, I lived in the ghetto. There was this place, Compare Foods, my mom would come back from there with like 30 frozen pizzas for $5 bucks- you should hit it up, sometime.

Tom: Yeah? Ok-

Dan: Day-time...

....And hit it up I did.
*****

Saturday morning, just like every Saturday, I woke up ridiculously early and just started running errands. This has been the unfortunate case ever since I stopped binge drinking- I can't sleep late if I'm not hung over, and I can't stand being idle in my apartment.

Congruent with my frugal lifestyle I wanted to dive right into the hood-spots faster than you could say "spinning-rims-PSP!"

While en route, I typed "Compare Foods" into my GPS and sure-as-shit the bitch came right up! Another friend of mine used to live in this neighborhood and people were always getting shot by his apartment- I just knew Compare Foods would have some great deals for me to get my cheap hands around.

On my way, I realized that I was already in a locale cited numerous times on History Channel's "Gangland;" most notably for its presence of MS-13. I began to pay more attention to my surroundings and noticed all kinds of supermarkets I've never heard of and will under-no-circumstances ever return to.

When you're surrounded by so many hood-spots/independent merchants of vitals, how can you hit em all up? The first two I went to lacked a freezer- I needed to come up with a criteria as to which ones I would check out and fast-

I decided that they needed to have the following:

• A sign that advertised their acceptance of food-stamps
  
• Be adjacent to a cash-checking service, a place that bought gold, or a run-down place of worship.

"Bravo" actually managed to accept food-stamps and be adjacent to a cash-checking service, a gold broker, and was surrounded by three brick churches with neon-Christ signs. WWJD? Obviously shop at Bravo...obvi.

I thought by accepting food-stamps, they would also be interested in some unique trades- however I never found out.

When you enter the vicinity of Bravo you can sense the magic in the air. Is it because there's a girl selling bootleg Reggaeton CDs in the ramshackle parking lot? Is it because there's man selling belts and fake Coach bags by the entrance? Or is it because there's a woman muttering to herself as she wearily sweeps the sidewalk? No, it's none of those things.

What's really special about Bravo foods is how the customers don't just speak Spanish- they scream it at one another, angrily. Also, it smells like cats and they sell 10 pound bags of rice, and as you can imagine, rice isn't heavy, so the bags are quite large.

But what really makes you stand up and cheer for Bravo is the way in which all of the customers seem to run to their car the second they exit the building. They must be really hungry or really know something can go down.

Every place I went to I got that "you ain't from around here, boy" down-home greeting. It's nothing like Epcot center. It's nothing like Three Amigos.

While there were some decent buys at the hood-spots, the products were more often than not fried and/or loaded with fat, and/or expired, and/or down-right confusing; such as the frozen pepperoni calzone unique for it's "Just add cheese!" instruction printed right on the box. I never knew something could be a calzone if it didn't have cheese- but I learned alot about life this weekend.

With the exception of Eggo, I recognized not a single brand- Dan mentioned this would happen but until you experience it first hand, you truly can't appreciate it.

While I bought nothing from any of the hood-spots, I will remember them always for their unique aromas and local flavors. However, I will never be returning to them less I earn for some "Fabuloso!" Brand pizza rolls (actual product) for $1.97.

El Monterey Burrittos

"Wow, what a find! Have my eyes deceived me? Is this El Monterey Family Pack of Bean Burritos really $3.50 cents? No, this is very real! But why is no one else hording this for a post-Apocalypse meal? These would go great in a bunker!

Hmm, maybe they suck- let me check- well according to the label they've been around since 1964. Wait- this package or the company? Eff it, who cares- they're $3.50 and they're frozen. They'd still be good. Cold keeps it fresh!

Wow, I'm the smartest man in the world! I better buy two packs- wait...3 would last me the month. Wow, a month's supply of lunch all for less than $12.00- yep, I'm the smartest man in the world."

*****

This is a true to life recreation of the day I discovered the aforementioned product. Finding inexpensive food is not that difficult when you have no rules as to what you will/will not eat. However, that is not the case for me.

I am a vegetarian. I won't eat food with a lot of fat or sugar. I eat nothing fried and nothing that contains aspertain. Typically, I won't eat products that contain enriched flour- which is why the knock offs of Easy Mac at 25 cents per serving piss me off. The list goes on but I'm getting bored just typing this.

El Monterey's Family Pack fits my food criteria- but will it pass the taste test- it does! And when you top it with Fire Sauce pilfered from Taco Bell it's like a caliente circus in your mouth!

But don't take my word for it- just look at the overwhelmingly positive reviews flowing in from their Web page.

*****

http://www.elmonterey.com/index.aspx

"I love your Burritos. They're nutritious and incredibly amazing. I love you, El Monterey."

-Charles, St. Louis, MO

"I just wanted to let you know how much I enjoy your Green Chile Burritos. I love the fact that I can put them in the microwave heat them up in a few minutes and have lunch, dinner, a snack, or sometimes breakfast."
- Mara, Eureka, CA

*****

Really, Mara; for breakfast? Something tells me Mara from CA is rather rotund. Regardless, I couldn't agree more with the sentiments of these consumers; ole!

Week 1 Game Plan

There's a quote sung, "Nothing suffocates you more than the passing of everyday human events." But why should we let it? $4.00 for a morning coffee, $10.00 for lunch?

Eff, I know I for one am tired of paying for things that I need- I want to spend money on things I don't need. The things that really make it appear as thought you've got your life in order. When you leave this earth, are people going to remember you for the grandiose meals you ate or the rims on your car?



Don't believe me? Name one thing you saw Tupac eat...I rest my case.


My goal this month (Starting Nov 21 and running through Dec 21) is to spend $150.00 on food.


Here's the game plan: Prices reflect cost of eating for 1 week:


Breakfast:

• 5 grain Oatmeal ($1.50)


• Protein Shake ($8.00)

Snack 1:

• 1 Banana ($2.10)

Lunch: Let's take a trip down to Mexico with...

• El Monterey Bean Burrito ($3.50)

Snack 2:

• Campbell's Select Harvest Light Southwestern-Style Vegetable; while it may take a lot to say it all, it only costs 6 quarters! ($10.50)

Dinner: What's better than a homemade meal? A homemade meal that costs $1.60!

• Whole-wheat, English Muffin Pizzas, with Tofu ($11.20)

Welcome to Cheap Shiz

Man, how great is being ghetto fabulous? Living in a home with three 42-inch flat panels, a ps3, an xBox 360, a sweet sound system; you read by the light of your iPhone and you're kept warm with layers of clothing, a bottle of Jack, and the heat from an open-oven. That's the life for me.

The gift of gab. Let's face it. Some people have it and some don't. I got it and much more. A sound-bite of mine that a friend references often was spouted on a hot Summer-day; to be exact it was the day of the Belmont Stakes. A few hungover friends had gathered early that morning to pre-game the sport of kings in what was dubbed the Belmont Brunch.

Frozen french toast sticks, waffles, hash browns, bacon- enough to feed 10 peole and enough to make a coronary patients mind and heart wander to the glory days that lead to their hospitalization.


The breakfast cost less than $6.00; it may not have been fine-dining but the low, low, cost allowed it to be washed down with bottles of champagne.


I turned to my friend and said, "Man, I'm eating a 10-cent breakfast in a $70.00 t-shirt."

He turned to me and quipped, "Dude, you are the definition of Ghetto Fabulous." The same friend remarked, "This is so cheap- look at all this food- we should just eat breakfast for every meal." Little did he know how literally I would take him.


This is the spirit that embodies this blog. Make no mistake about it- by no means do I aim to live humbly; I just choose not to pay for things I deem the world owes me by the default of them being necessities.

Through this blog I hope to spurn conversations that lead to complete mastery of "exuberance through frugality."